Expectancy is an important measure. The difference between our current perceived reality and what we expect can be rather large. Events are happening constantly around us, that’s the way the world keeps turning and our universe keeps expanding – at least that is what scientists are saying. Did you know we know only 4% about our universe? The other 96% seems to contain dark matter, black holes and other stuff no one able to explain.

We could say that reality is what is happening right now, beside the meaning we give to events. What is this freaky thing reality anyway? I haven’t got a clue. What I do know is the larger part of time we’re coping with expectancy. How we want these events to turn out? And funny, it’s even less clear what we want to expect when our emotions go and stirr up the whole thing.

Are we expecting some meaning? Are we expecting something that is known to our brains, something to which we can relate? Like if the remembering self and the experiencing self are having a talk and say: “Hey, well let’s all just agree on this one.” After all it seems that a lot of the time we’re living in this place called the future, in which we project the current moment and in which our ingenious mind tells his fantasy story of how it should be. How hard is it to not cling to possible future outcomes, to things we want, things we worry about?

Here and now is where all our possibilities are presented, this moment where choises are made that elevate us or can send us straight down to hell. May I have the power and trust in myself to make good decisions. Or to let go of the whole stupid thing in the first place.

It’s hard to see the gardens when you’re in prison

Change has to occur from the inside. So many stories are told, books read and inspiration gathered. I personally experience this is a good thing. But what is it that drives the real change? No single external factor seems to matter. every single time you notice change, it starts from an empty space within, something cracks and a new light shines onto your current reality.

Easy to say when you are running freely out in the fields, on the other side of the wall. You can’t smell the roses, touch the grass or feel the wind when you’re locked up inside. How can we escape? Our walls seem so thick, concrete and too high. Although there are numerous examples of people escaping from prison using ingenious ways; conspiracy plans, digging tunnels for months, scratching bricks which slowly turn to dust. All do they require a lot of planning, patience and meticulous work for a long period of time. But these small steps are all in the same direction, the direction we know that can free us. Trust your fire inside, don’t give up and keep digging!

Delivering value

What do we have to offer? Our own idea’s seem never relevant or lacking of much value. Is this a truth or merely an illusion? There is always doubt, the self-doubt preventing us to create our own art. The spark is inside us, we forget a lot of the times that it’s still there. We don’t always see flames burning.

There is a lot of power in the audience that observes our art. We seem not able to pick our audience, we don’t choose the people who attend. They can critize the work or even worse, ignore it. But in this same audience lies in fact no power all at if you care to believe. We too have the possibility to choose our own audience, we can listen or ignore. We can hold ourselves back or trust and make more art, better art. The relevant question is: whose voice do you let to speak the loudest, theirs or yours?

A car crash

A few months ago, I noticed my car wasn’t running great anymore. Though it is already serving quite some years – more than 20 – it’s still in good shape. Okay, there and there some cosmetics that could be better, but hey I can’t complain. Who wouldn’t want some new shiny stuff after all?

Al seemed well till a few weeks ago. Suddenly my car decided it was enough. No more driving smoothly, I gradually but very quickly started loosing control, malfunctions everywhere. What was happening? A moment later the crash, ending up head over heels on some unknown road, left with something that didn’t look like a car anymore. Should you wondering, luckily I survived it pretty clean without any major injuries. The guy of the tow truck told me the car was not lost, I could still recover it. Fast forward some weeks, the car is now at the garage for maintenance, fixing, polishing and whatever more needs to be taken care of. And even new engine was considered, which I cannot afford right now, so they started working on recovering the old one as much as possible.

This is what it feels like going through right now. There are major life moments when things don’t go as planned or turn out different than expected. Although it’s a good thing that I am currently at the garage, don’t consider it an easy thing. Like mentioned, a total crash and major fixes to be made. Some parts just don’t suit anymore and go straight to the car cementary. Some others had to be ordered and seem to be even out of stock, it’s taking apparently quite some time to find them. And now the thing is at the garage, maybe it’s the good time eventually to add those always-wanted changes. Polishing and finishing it not yet for now, too soon for that. But I notice that it’s feeling marvelous to have some new oil, get rid of the damaged, rusty parts and not least important, to have my filters changed. Time for some fresh air. I don’t now how and when I will come out of the garage and what it would be like to drive again, but I can’t wait to go on a new adventure. And in the meantime let’s try to love this adventure in the garage too.